When you and your husband have 2 very different approaches to parenting. You’ll see that it will sometimes break your relationship. But you will need to take care of these differences and not let it come in between you and your husband.
My husband and I have two entirely different approaches to parenting. And because of this our relationship has taken some downhill turns.
I should have known early on when my husband shared his anti-getting-picked-on strategy for his daughter that our parenting values and beliefs would differ significantly.
His advice to his 13-year old daughter when she would get picked on? Just walk away and ignore the bullies!
Now my advice surely will be one of the following: Punch them in the face. Stand up for yourself. Don’t let them get away with it.
As you can see we have a different approach for even a silly thing as a child being picked on.
My feeling towards the child was that he should raise her to his liking. Because we would constantly fight over our differences. Then just one day I decided that he should raise her as he see fits.
All went well when I kept my mouth shut. The fighting was over and he will see that his decisions were not always the best one.
However, then came our little princess daughter. I thought to myself, I will raise our child to my linking and come high hell waters if he wants to meddle with the way I want to raise our child.
You’d think we were a recipe for catastrophe: spouses on opposite sides of the parenting spectrum trying to raise a child together.
This as well did not work. I then realized that we need to come to a conclusion that we need to work together hand in hand when it comes to raising our children.
So.. if one of use had a problem with the other one’s parenting approaches, we will talk about it away from the children.
Because children can learn to dominate a parent with the other parent if he or she sees that you are taking his or her side. And this is a terrible thing to do for both your relationship and the approach to life itself.
Most of the co-parenting opinions you hear is that no matter what, you must be on the same page. Remain a united front. This is so true but at time it can become a really daunting task!
But how do you stay unified when you naturally believe in different things? If we’re not unified on the varied beliefs and plans of raising babies, how will we ever endure the big stuff during the teenage years and beyond?
But the fact remains, while our views are totally different on almost any level, we do remember the most important part of this parenting journey… and that is that we both want the best and give our child the best opportunities achievable.
These opportunities include stuff like confidence, caring, empathetic and to overall just be a happy child.
You’ll notice that your child will engage in an act that needs discipline from both parents. So when your child comes to you, use your parenting skills and when your child goes to your partner, let him or she use their strategies to handle the situation.
You’ll see that your child will realize that you will react differently to something than how your partner may react. And your child will use this to his advantage as he will go to the parent that will best fit his needs.
Kids are difficult and while they need regular schedule and consistency, they also need to feel at ease reacting in different ways to the same situation depending on so many factors.
So with that said, you’ll learn from your potential conflict that just sometimes, the other spouse just might have the better strategy in mind.
My husband and I keep in mind that we were both brought up totally differently and that this different parenting approaches comes from your own experience.
And on top of all, we remember that it’s okay to constantly adjust, to flip to the other side of the fence when it’s suitable, and above all, to remain open and welcoming to the others strategies.
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